The Shepherd Doesn't Smash His Lambs

I have been reading the book "For the Children's Sake" by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay and it really has opened my eyes in many areas of schooling my children. I highly recommend this book!!! It discusses the why of the Charlotte Mason way of learning. If you use another learning style you will still find useful tools in this book. I find the tools really are the ones I should use in my day to day life whether it be school time or life in general.

Mostly the tools are more about my perspective and MY self-control. Last night I read a passage that really challenged me. It made me look at myself and the truth hurt a bit. I was grieved because I have been smashing my lambs when I've been in a rush. I smash them when I am impatient. I smash them when I am unplugged and sit on the computer. I smash more than I lead. What a sad truth to be confronted with.

Here is the gist of smashing vs. leading (some direct quotes and some summary):
"The shepherd doesn't smash his lambs. The pasture itself is a discipline, for it has boundaries. But in the pasture, there is freedom to move and needs are met. The shepherd leads into the paths of righteousness. "

Imagine a frustrated adult shouting, "Tom, you never try hard. You don't care. I knew you wouldn't bother to listen." Contrasted with a leader who knows that Tom's problem is that he is getting into the habit of doing things poorly and not bothering to listen. He takes the responsibility of helping to lead Tom into better habits. He draws Tom over to a quieter part of the house and in a friendly tone (positive and cheerful) reminds Tom of how he has not fulfilled his responsibilities. "Tom, yesterday when I asked you to finish that job, you just walked off after 5 minutes. That isn't going to work, and I'm not going to let you get into the habit of doing that. I know that you can try really hard when you choose to. I'd like to see a carefully finished job today. I know that you can do it because.... (give prior examples of being able).. Now you sit here, where it is quieter, and finish this job. How long do you think it will take?

The leader hasn't let Tom get away. He is leading him in small steps.

"If you expect what is good, and are not shocked by the reality of the faltering footsteps toward it, you will be well on the way to leading."

OUCH!!!!!!!! I can justify my loud chastising toward my kids by reasoning 'but my kids are preschoolers and they do not have the reasoning skills to hear me out so I will apply this training later'. But will later ever come??

I just had an opportunity to apply this principle and I can tell you from my experience - the leading tools I shared above work! Both of my kids received the instruction (although with different responses) and I saw that they were shocked that I didn't FUSS at them for messing up! OH how that hurts my heart! To see them waiting for me to lose it - not hurting them physically but raising my voice so that they will hear me. Modeling lack of control to them. OH how I hate that picture of myself. I guess I can say that is all I knew from my being a child - adults shouting to MAKE us be what they wanted us to be. But how did I feel after being shouted at? Unheard, unimportant and wished I could disappear. OH HOW I WISH I WERE NOT SMASHING MY LAMBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today is a new day. No smashing from this day forward! God help me!

Melodye - former Lamb Smasher but newly focused leader of lambs!